Green, Faraway Lands

Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Not the path to the dark side, but my path to anywhere when I travel. Or at least it used to be…

Hello once again from The Englishman. I call myself that only as guest writer here, but HH is so taken by my moniker, that I fully expect her to start introducing me as it in public. Anyway, I digress. It’s been while since I accepted my lot in life as a green goddess’s sidekick and things have moved on for me in my own green journey since I spoke to you all last. So I thought it worthy of a smattering of prose to convey quite how happy I am that green beauty is no longer just for travel, but has become a daily routine too.

Let’s take a closer look at the travel side first, and as I have mentioned before, I travel a lot. And by a lot I mean one hundred and fifty thousand miles a year. That’s a lot of flying and it’s ever-so-slightly complicated by the fact that I hate it. And why do I hate it so? Because it scares the absolute bejesus out of me. Hello, my name is The Englishman and I have a flying phobia. Oh it’s a proper one too – in fact, I didn’t fly for over 15 years and it was a certain Hippie of the Hermes variety that lured me onto a plane to fly over that enormous puddle and propose. Since then, I’ve been flying high more times than Willie Nelson and Seth Rogan combined. You see, the trick to getting on a plane for me, apart from a previously admitted heady cocktail of whisky and Xanax, is to implement coping mechanisms through some of my favorite green beauty products. That means a routine that calms and reassures.

So good are some of these products that I thought them worthy of more praise. It all started with HH introducing me to the H.Gillerman Travel Remedy. It has quite simply saved my travel life, inducing an immediate trance of contentment. Next up is Essence of Vali’s Calm Relax Mist. Squirting the mist all over my face, I then apply Pollen & Wax’s Sinatra Blue Facial Serum, which I am glad to say is now available. I have tried a few other oils and you could of course substitute your favorite in, but I like the Pollen & Wax oils they are the least likely to leave me feeling all greasy, like I’ve had a hot tub with Shrek.

But then HH started introducing me to a few alternatives and here’s where I discovered the magical elixir conjurers, Vitruvi. Not only do I find that their essential blends do exactly what they claim they do, but also this is a company that really gets packaging. The only downside is that you can shop by mood and well, my mood shifts while I’m traveling, so I find myself going from calming to energizing, to productive, to inspired and back to calming; all in the space of about 15 minutes. Not only am I like a crack whore alternating uppers and downers, but I must be reeking absolute havoc with the plane’s air circulation.

On a recent flight to the UK I was in Virgin Upper Class, liberally counterbalancing sheer panic with calming aroma, when the bloke next to me leant across and asked me, very politely, what the hell that smell was. As I started apologizing, in a very deep voice as if to reassure my own manhood, he interrupted with “no mate, it’s really nice, I just wondered what it was”. Well, this lead to a demonstration of all things green and beautiful, that a department store cosmetics salesperson on speed would have been proud of. Within five minutes I had a crowd around my seat that included four other passengers and half the flight crew. I suspect that if such a thing had color, a green fog-like hue may have slowly engulfed the entire plane.

Anyway, back to the products, because there are a few that really deserve mention. Each of the companies I’ve talked about offer a great range that is ideal for travel, but H.Gillerman also do a Muscle Remedy that’s a lifesaver. If, like me, you suffer from any kind of muscle pain – in my case it’s back pain, then you know that it tends to be accentuated during travel. The roll on top makes it a cinch to apply, even at your seat, and by Jove this stuff really works wonders.

Vitruvi also offer a travel mist – GO, that’s a wonderful alternative to the Essence of Vali mists. They’re both wonderful, though the glass bottle of the Vitruvi is both a pro and a con. That brings me to another mist – by the wonderful Josh Rosebrook. It’s his Hydrating Accelerator and this stuff is like crack. I’m serious – I’ve actually got addicted to it. So much so, that I now use it daily. They come in a travel size too, so although it’s not essential oil, it would work very well for travel hydration. What it is incredible for, is applying liberally in the morning post-shave. It’s difficult for me to convey quite how good this stuff is. Once applied, I then add Ursa Major Fortifying Face Balm, which is the only moisturizer I have ever been able to use daily. This is the ideal bloke moisturizer. It’s brilliant. I have to say, that Ursa Major’s Face Wash and Face Tonic are also now daily cleaning products I swear by. In fact, the Wash, Josh, Balm combination leaves my skin about as good as it has ever been and is one hell of a good hangover cure too. For really bad mornings-after-the-night-before, just carry a bottle of Josh around with you and spray in between groaning!

Talking about hangovers, if you’re like me then a travel hangover can be a serious dampener to your day. You wake up and the previous day’s travel has left you dehydrated and feeling generally yuck.  Hotels and meetings only add to the pain. But doubling down on my daily routine by liberally applying the Josh Rosebrook and Ursa Major combo is the ultimate pick-me-up. I can’t recommend it highly enough for blowing those heavy cobwebs away, whether it’s travel, work or simply good old late nights.

So all that just leaves one final little product and I’ve saved the best ‘till last. de Mamiel’s Altitude oil is pure bloody witchcraft. Sorcery, I tell you! H.Gillerman’s Travel Remedy will always be first in my carry-on, but de Mamiel’s Altitude Oil is quite extraordinary. I put a couple of drops in my hands, rub together and then inhale deeply. This has the calming effect of a four-hand valium massage in Bali. I just wish I could see through that little, dark mysterious bottle to work out how much of the stuff is left! It also seems to have a dramatically happy and calming effect on those around me.

Traveling or not, stress and anxiety have some amazing green countermeasures, and for me, fear now leads to wonderfully smelly contentment. (And perhaps one more Bloody Mary).

6 responses to Green, Faraway Lands

  1. Daphne Ireland

    While I adore reading your wife’s posts as much as anything, how lovely to see another one from you. This post is completely fantabulous! Well done!!! x Daphne

  2. Well this is perfect timing. Happily flown around the world since I was a foetus and treated it like hopping on a bus. Then the past year not sure what has happened but mentally it’s got very white knuckle. The de Mamiel sounds like an absolute must. Thank you Lola for sharing The Englishman! (I feel better about referring to The Scot too 🙂

  3. Christina

    Lovely writing! Thanks for sharing a male perspective. I’ve purchased many skincare items for my significant other, and end up using most of them myself since he won’t touch them (grr)! Since he is in dire need of a daily moisturizer, I think I’ll get him the Ursa Major face balm and tell him that you love it. Fingers crossed!

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